I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
