i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
