I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
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my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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