I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
