I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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