The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize