Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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