Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
