I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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