Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize