There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
two words: eviction party
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
