So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
