just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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