I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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