Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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