I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
