Cold hands, warm shart.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
