We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
