Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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