oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
