i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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