So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
