I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
