So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
