is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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