Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
