i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
