If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
