So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize