I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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