I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
