I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
