Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
