i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize