he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
