The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
