I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
