Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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