Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
