Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
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No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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