so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
