so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
