I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish you could order shots online.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I see more hoeing in ur future
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