this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
