Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have feelings that need drinking.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
