I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
