They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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