oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
