I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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