I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
