you traded sex for a burrito?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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