Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
