Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
