Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
