Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
