She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
