I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
