I think my fart just growled at me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
