Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
