i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
