Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
