you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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