Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
