i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize