When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
